your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
