I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
