so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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