He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
