Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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