Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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