You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
