I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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