plz talk dirty to me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
