I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize