Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
