Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
