dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
