I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
