If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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