it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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