after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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