When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
