Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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