laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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