well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
