I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
