Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
