I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
