just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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