no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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