wrigley field is MILF paradise
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
