she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
