So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
