this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He better not be in your backpack
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
