Your face is a jimmy john
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
