I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
