You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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