Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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