My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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