We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
