Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
