I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
