Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
