do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
