OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this beer tastes like vomit already
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
