apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
