suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
