We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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