On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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