I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize