she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
