I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
