i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
