my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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