you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
