It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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