you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
