Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
