Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
