My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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