mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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