If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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