What a fucking waste of an outfit
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
