just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
