sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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