Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
