Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
