Define "chronic" masturbator.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
