You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
