GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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