Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
