She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
