I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We are all done wearing pants today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
