I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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